Monday Night Mav
May 14th, Show Recap
It’s time for Monday Night Raw, and we’re live in Pittsburgh tonight, well Raw is live in Pittsburgh… Thankfully I’m nowhere near Pittsburgh.
The show begins backstage with Triple H, in his ridiculous bionic arm brace backstage. He’s met by John Laurinaitis, who tries to explain himself and what not. Hunter blows him off and says he’s going to address the situation in the ring. As he’s on his way to the ring we get a handy dandy recap of Brock breaking his arm… sans ridiculous arm breaking sound dubbed in from last week.
Hunter is offended by Brock. But hey, who isn’t? His arrogance and stupidity offends HHH, Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, John Cena, Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, Bob Backland, etc. It also offends me, most of my friends, my mailman, the homeless guy who lives behind the stop and shop and Joan Rivers. Triple H just keeps calling Brock stupid, simpleton etc and it is HYSTERICAL! You know, because it’s true. Just don’t tell him I said that, he’ll kill me.
Hunter literally calls a spade a spade here, talking about how Brock quits whenever things got difficult.
Lesnar’s music hits and we get Paul Heyman, (awesome) and some squirrelly looking guy (not as awesome). Heyman claims breach of contract. Squirrelly guy serves Hunter lawsuit papers.
Paul E. then goes on a tirade, ripping Hunter. HHH face palms Heyman into the ropes and tells Heyman to tell Lesnar he’ll get everything he deserves. Mr H. leaves but Heyman interrupts, saying he’s going to sue Hunter as well.
We get a recap of Johnny The Ace big timing Show and Eve busting him. If Show doesn’t apologizetonight, he’ll be fired… and he’s also rasslin’ Kane, so either way there may be fire.
Wow I thought we were going to commercial however, CM Punk’s music hits and out comes the WWE Champ. Ok, then we get a commercial.
CM Punk & Santino Marella Vs. Daniel Bryan and Cody Rhodes
This one looks wacky, it could actually be fun. Early on Bryan won’t tag in to face Punk. They do a funny spot in the early part of the match where Punk does a dive out of the ring onto Cody and Bryan, and when Santino tries it he gets caught on the ropes. Bryan is getting the most cheers in the match. Cody has been dissing Santino via twitter lately for all you um, twitterers, or is it twitties? Maybe just Twits?
Pretty much what you expect, Santino gets beat on, Punk makes the hot tag. The big finish sees Bryan tries to sneak attack the champ but Punk catches him for the GTS, Bryan however avoids it and bows out, leaving Cody by himself. Cody avoids the Cobra, but gets caught in the GTS.
Boy they’ve got a bit of a situation on their hands here, Bryan is WAY over, but he’s such a great antagonist, a face turn now seems obvious, but they don’t have many guys who are that good at being a heel.
WINNERS: CM Punk & Santino Marella
Beth Phoenix Vs. Alicia Fox
Layla comes out to watch Eve beat the bejeezus out of Fox. Beth wins easily, and quickly with the Glam Slam. Beth goes to beat on Fox some more, but Layla runs in and attacks Beth, running her off.
WINNER: Beth Phoenix
They replay Cena’s Make a Wish promo from last week.
And then some more friendly recapping of Show mocking Johnny The Ace.
There’s going to be another free Pre-show before Sunday’s PPV. This time it’s Zack Ryder getting murderized by Kane. Hmm, guess I shoulda put spoiler warning there… no, it’s not going to be a surprise to anyone that Kane is going to kill him, again.
Oh good, They recap the Big Show situation again. I’m glad the did because I almost forget what happened after they recapped it two minutes ago.
Johnny Ace’s awesome music hits. David Otunga is back with Big Johnny this week, and so is his coffee.
We go to another commercial and it’s got me thinking about the ill fated experiment of having Taco Bell sponsor a match a few weeks ago. I’m glad that didn’t stick. Boy I could use a Taco.
Big Show Vs. Kane
Back from commercial and Otunga is drinking coffee and Laurinaitis is playing “Where’s my Water” on his phone.
These two know each other REALLY well, so it’s the typical battle of the giants between them. It’s a good match, just nothing the world hasn’t seen a hundred times. The big finish comes when Big Show has Kane reeling after giving him a spear on the floor, Big Johnny interrupts and demands his apology right now. Kane catches Show with the chokeslam for the win,
Ace climbs into the ring berating the giant and telling him to Apologize. Show makes and impassioned plea, and Ace doesn’t buy it, he makes him apologize several more times and demands him to get on his knees and beg. Big Show is torn over what to do. Show begs him not to make him get on his knees. Ace says he’s going to do what’s right for business, and reconsider. Show makes it to the end of the ramp before stopping and begins telling him he’s fired, Show interrupts, gets on his knees and begs for his job… crying. Ace fires him anyway.
Update: Big Show is fired.
Brodus Clay, Kofi Kingston and R-Truth Vs. The Miz, Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger
The Funkadactyls and Brodus come out to lighten the mood after that morose bit of TV. Crowd seems dead after the last segment, even Lawler mentions it. In the cheap seats AW is sitting with Epico, Primo, Rosa and Mason Ryan. They probably had to pay for the tickets too. Not gonna lie, I love all six of these guys, but the match is a bit of a mess. Ziggler running into Brodus’ head never stops being funny to me. Clay, Kingston and Truth win after Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise followed by the BIG splash by Funkasaurus Clay for the win. Funkasaurus and company bring some kids into the ring to celebrate.
WINNERS: Brodus Clay, R-Truth & Kofi Kingston
Punk is backstage giving Alex Riley the rub by talking to him backstage when um, what’s her face, Daniel Bryan’s ex, comes to him with puppy dog eyes to wish him good luck. Punk wisely tells her he doesn’t want to get in the middle of her drama with Bryan, and that she has issues. That’s right, her name is AJ. I just looked it up. Anyway, she looks like she’s about to cook Punk’s rabbit in a soup pot after he leaves. A dated reference I know.
Chris Jericho Vs. Randy Orton
Why the helicopter is this match on Raw? This should be a big PPV match down the line, however they’re crapping the bed and putting it on Raw. Sheamus is out to watch and add some color to the proceedings. Orton hits a pretty dropkick early on. Y2J throws Orton into Sheamus who was standing up after being provoked by Jeircho. Orton makes a comeback and is ready to finish Jericho off when Sheamus pulls Y2J out of the ring and beats on him, causing Orton to get disqualified. Afterwards Sheamus and Orton get in each others faces. I know these two are in a fatal fairway Sunday, but I would’ve waited on this one until there was a solid buildup for a one on one match down the line on PPV.
WINNER: Chris Jericho via DQ.
Update: Big Show is still fired.
Big Johnny is out again. he’s got a major announcement that will change the WWE forever. Yay for us!
Mr. Excitement begins to explain why everyone is a loser, but he’s cut off by John Cena. Cena sniffs Ace. EUH. Cena is absolutely HYSTERICAL here mocking Ace, and the loser bit is awesome. Cena kills tonight, and finally when Ace tries to gets to the point. Eve comes out to give Johnny something.
Cena steals the paper and reads it. The board has announced that the match is one on one, no special ref, no one at ringside, no superstar is allowed to interfere and if Ace loses he’s terminated. The show goes to end, but Cena interrupts and wants to know, what Ace’s big announcement was going to be, he just slaps Cena and walks away.
Ok, I’ll say it first. Brock Lesnar is not a WWE Superstar since he “quit” so I’m pretty sure he’s going to screw Cena. Show could also turn heel here and interfere. I could be wrong, because Laurinaitis has been power mad since Wrestlemania, and this could be the end of his particular storyline. Regardless, the main event for the PPV is looking surprisingly strong… not from the wrestling aspect, but story wise. It will balance nicely with the Punk Vs. Bryan match, which will definitely be the better “wrestling” match, but didn’t get a strong build.
The Big Show firing, frankly I hated it. One of my biggest gripes is that they just don’t write the Big Show effectively. For a Giant, he cries a lot. A whole lot. I get the gentle giant thing, but tonight they effectively neutered him. Andre was the gentle giant for about 20 years and I never remember him crying. If he’s not leaving, it’s going to be a hard sell to make him a monster, even a friendly monster… Unless he turns heel and turns on Cena on Sunday.
The rest of Raw was pretty Ok. The show tonight moved along better than last week, it was nice seeing some newer match ups and combinations. Still though, I’d have saved Jericho Vs. Orton for a PPV, with better build up. The lead in could be excellent and we haven’t really seen it since Jericho has returned.
I know it was storyline and all, but Hunter calling Brock out on all his shortcomings was funny to me, because I’ve been doing it for months now. I make no secret of the fact that I’m not a Lesnar fan, and it’s for all the reasons HHH pointed out. Still I get why they use him, because when used right he does make things interesting.
The Heyman-Triple H, Cena-Laurinaitis segments made for a strong opening and closing to the show, and while the Big Show segment was just not good, the rest of the show was pretty entertaining as far as the current state of Raw goes.
Next week, fallout from the PPV and things could be radically different depending on the outcome. Guess we’ll see.
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